My name's Nicole - a Toronto-based makeup addict. Welcome to my corner of the web where I share my love & experiences with all kinds of beauty, makeup & skincare products. Head on over to my About Page to learn more about me.



Hidden Blessings

Darwin & I (Summer 2012)
Though I guess I'm technically not a teen mom anymore (since I'm out of the "-teen" ages), I was one when I gave birth to this little one. And, of course, what most people want to know about teen mothers is...everything. So, here it is folks. Everything.

Where to start, where to start..

As per every mother out there (at least I hope), it always starts off with that one guy. The one guy that you're head over heels about. The one guy that you're madly in love with. The one guy that every time he does that smile, you catch yourself unintentionally screaming in your head "have my damn babies!" (Disclaimer: Any family members reading this, forget that last sentence.) Well, that guy of mine, his name's Darwin. And he must have superhero powers or something because he heard those voices in my head loud and clear, the fact that obviously as we can now see, I did have his baby. But just as unintentional as those voices in my head, so was the pregnancy.

I didn't find out that I was pregnant until the middle of August and by then I was already more or less than 1 month deep. You may be wondering, didn't you miss your period? Of course I did, but I didn't automatically assume I was pregnant because I did have irregular periods. Sometimes I would go up to 4 months without getting my period. But anyways.. The point that pushed me to take a pregnancy test was when I started throwing up for no reason. I had little to no pregnancy symptoms. The only other time I could think of was when I went to Florida a few weeks before I took the test. I had been on a boat out in the Gulf of Mexico. I was feeling completely fine until I stepped off. The feeling of dizziness and nausea overcame me. But I thought it to be just sea sickness. Again, back to the test.. So there I am, in the washroom, about to urinate on this stick.

There it is. Right in my face. Two blue lines. At this point, I'm still alone in the bathroom staring at this stick. I blink once, twice, three times.  Squint my eyes. Am I seeing this right? I catch myself smiling. I really don't know why, maybe out of shock. So I call Darwin into the bathroom and he walks in with a smile, expecting it to come out negative. I show him the test. No more smiles from then on. You all know what was going through our heads at that exact moment: "f*ck".

He just graduated and I was about to start school in the next month. On top of that, we both had gotten our firsts jobs that year, which kept our lives occupied. Being the irresponsible teens we were, we put it off. We told no one, did nothing about it. That was until my belly began getting noticeably bigger. My clothes weren't fitting the way they were supposed to anymore and I started wearing bigger and baggier clothes. At that moment, we agreed to finally do something about the pregnancy. I went to my family doctor and he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant (as if it wasn't already obvious). He asked me if I decided to keep the baby or if I wanted to go the "other route".

Darwin and I, at that time, opted for the "other route". I don't want to get into too much detail about that, but long story short: Darwin and I had to gather up as much money as we could just to go into that awful clinic and be shut down because I was too far along into my pregnancy. We both cried out of fear and hopelessness. But little did we know was that that unfortunate event was actually a blessing in disguise for us.

My Baby Shower (March 2013)
By then, it was already November. I managed to keep my pregnancy a secret for 4 long months. Other than my friends who knew (hey Jen, Ang, Iesha, Maria, Jaz, if you're reading this!), nobody else knew. The only thing that was keeping me from telling my parents about it was the fear of not being accepted. But after the miserable incident that just passed, we decided we finally had to tell both our parents about it because I was going to birth this baby no matter what. Naturally, we got the reaction of disappointment but, in addition to that, we surprisingly got the response of happiness, a sense of care, and, most importantly, acceptance.

The support I received from family and friends was an amazing feeling that I will be forever grateful for. My pregnancy that was once full of fear and anxiety was now filled with joy and relief. I thought I had known happiness until the day after my 19th birthday. March 23, 2013: the day my baby girl was born.

Taking a step back and looking at everything that has happened over the past years, Darwin and I always like to think of our story as God's Plan for us. We grew, learned, and became better, stronger people because of this.

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